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invisible_deity
16 December 2007 @ 09:04 pm
recently recently a lot of interesting things have happened made me feel sad i was okay though.

There's a story running around in the back of my head. It is called A-s-c-e-n-s-i-o-n
(((ascension)))

Ascension
it is about a young man

I wrote this for my media project at uni, Friday 30th November. I drew it as well, in storyboard form. The story runs thus:

A young man wakes up to find himself on a white, white bridge in the middle of nowhere. His name is Ash.  As his surroundings come into focus, he stands up, head throbbing with a migraine. He walks to the edge and looks over. What he sees shocks him.
In the distance someone approaches.  A scruffy, yet angelic figure, holding a bag of second-hand clothes.  S/he roots through the bag, examining the clothes, then notices Ash and speaks to him.

'You know, if there's one place in the world that we can be truly free, this is it.  Anyway, what brings you here?'

He looks at her, points over the edge of the bridge and says,
'I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing on the ground.'

The camera pans down and the surroundings suddenly change from angelic white to normal drab, dark city colours.  At the foot of the bridge, in the real world, lies Ash's body, face down in a pool of blood, surrounded by ambulances, medics and onlookers.
He had jumped.


So yes, a pretty morbid story.

Five days later, on Wednesday the 5th December, the exact same thing happened in town.
I was staying round my boyfriend's house.  We left for uni early in the morning.  The sky was that misty white hazy colour, bitter with the cold and stretching open and crystally clear.
As we got into my car this old woman walking by stopped us to ask if we were going towards the motorway.
We asked why, and she said to us,
'Well, the road has been closed off.  A young man has just jumped from the bridge.'
Unfortunately, to get to uni, I had to drive past the adjacent roundabout to the closed-off road.  And as I did, I saw the sight.

It was exactly the same as my picture for my story.  The bridge was a little bit different.  But I saw things I'd rather not see. 
it made me cry later   Needless to say, I almost crashed my car!
But seriously,
I know it was all COINCIDENCE
but it does not make me feel any better.

when the LINE between fantasy and reality begins to BLUR, it's scary.
It's not every day someone jumps off the bridge next to your street.


I feel like the painter Isaac from Heroes.  I'd better start writing happy stories.
 
 
Current Mood: nostalgic
 
 
invisible_deity
02 December 2007 @ 02:49 pm
Seems that everytime things go wrong in my life, I forget something and it makes someone else have a shitty day instead.

Ahh, and I thought I was FINALLY getting on the right track after visiting the doctor's to help sort it out.  New medicine, new promises and new starts.  So surely the troubles should be receding?  Surely I should be starting to REMEMBER things instead of forgetting all over again?
Well hell, when I have a spare £500 I will be able to afford a real professional treatment.  When I have a highly paid part-time job (alongside uni work) I will be able to get out of the debt I am in due to NOT BEING ALLOWED a student loan.  When the government gets its act together I won't be charged a £100 fine every time I park outside my boyfriend's house.
When I get my act together I won't hurt people.  No matter how acccidentally, it's a fault that I cannot abide.
Sorry for accidentally double-booking my days in order to help other people or keep other people company.  Sorry for my random mood-swings.  Sorry for wanting to be completely, totally alone so much.

I know.  I'm aware I'm ranting.  And I really should stop.
 
 
Current Mood: uncomfortable
 
 
invisible_deity
04 November 2007 @ 01:31 pm
i like lots of things

cake
trees
singing
drawing
painting
writing
creating

I DONT LIKE when people die.

even

if

i

barely

knew them

    §
§
    §
§
    §
§
    §

---------------------------
i'm going to buy a poppy today

in memory of


just people.

i <3

i like
.
.
.
.

i will remember
-----------------------
-------------------------------
---------------------------------------
 
 
Current Mood: nostalgic
 
 
invisible_deity
19 September 2007 @ 06:15 pm
fierce inhuman UNRELENTING superior unforgiving sarcastic
-indifferent-
n~o~n~c~h~a~l~a~n~t    >>
watching<< through cold glacial eyes  forced pain pushing screaming rage unsatisfied finding it funny
make you hurt
do it just for the fun of it, because I can, because I don't care, and I love it.

I am a hellion.
 
 
Current Mood: pleased
 
 
invisible_deity
19 September 2007 @ 03:27 pm
   I'm in a funny mood, says Seth.  No laughing though.  It's not that kind of funny.

I'm floating on air.  I'm thinking about how people react.  How they react to ME.  Because I'm so very different.  Because I do and say things which are not normal for them.  People do not understand why I do these things.

And people are always afraid of that which they do not understand.

I will look at myself in the mirror and try and convince myself that I look beautiful.  I try and convince myself that my face, my eyes, my jaw line, really is the perfect form I see in the mirror.  But I already know that it's just the way it's always been since I was a young boy - I prefer my reflection.  Because the boy looking in the mirror from the outside, he's the one that everybody is afraid of. 

There's a place I go to in the city, when the sun is going down.  I usually get there when the sky is turquoise and aqua and indigo all at once.  It's beautiful, because you can't see any people from there.  Just tree shadows and sky and the tops of buildings.  And when I'm there, I think about what it means to split myself off from my body the way I do.  Part of me feels comforted by it, by the distance, the space and freedom.  But the rest of me knows that nobody in this world, not even Benjamin or Marion, will be able to truly see that.
None of them will never see this haven I've created for myself; they will only ever see the face of a crazy lunatic.

 
 
Current Mood: numb
 
 
invisible_deity
16 September 2007 @ 09:55 pm
I was influenced recently by this amazing poem on Fanfiction.net.  Now am messing about with formatting.
I'm in a funny mood today.  I feel oddly comforted for some reason.

Haha, it will seem like I'm such a big baby when I say this but despite being twenty, I have a bed loaded with pillows and absolutely covered in stuffed toys.  They're still the same ones I've had since I was a young child.  I've never thrown any of them out.  Come to think of it, there are a lot of comforting things in my room.  I have tons of throws and pirate flags and tribal fabrics; lots of warm yellows and greens and reds. 

And what better for comfort than to play some decent old school prog rock like Yes!

In fact, it is Yes lyrics that I am playing about with today.  A fantastic song called Shock to the System.  This song of theirs I've always felt a close association to.  Which is funny, for a dissociative theme.  I was thinking earlier, it's incredibly odd how dissociation and associations are so closely linked! 
 
 
Current Mood: contemplative
 
 
invisible_deity
14 September 2007 @ 12:45 pm
... is an interesting concept.

I like it.


I've chosen Seth for this icon because he is interesting.  Deliah would probably have something different to say on the matter of sex, but right now I am Me, so this is how I feel.
 
 
Current Mood: indescribable
 
 
invisible_deity
13 September 2007 @ 06:00 pm
The first chapter of Perfect Chaos (gaara and shukaku fanfiction)
I think this needs to go up before the next chapters eh?  Can't believe I've neglected this task up until now!

Oh!  Disclaimers:  Gaara, Shukaku and the Narutoverse belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
Only the plot and the words are my own.

Well here it is:

 
 
Current Mood: creative
 
 
invisible_deity
31 August 2007 @ 10:55 pm
I spent today in Waterloo, on the Shell Step Work Placement Presentation Day.  And lo and behold, the Shell building just happens to be the building that hosts the cash machine that my famous 'Gaara at the ATM' cosplay photo was taken at last year!  It is funny to think that last year I was posing outside that very building in a crazy costume, attracting random stares from the businesspeople walking past, while this year I am giving business presentations inside it!

Well in between my presentation and the award ceremony, I had some spare time.  So I headed back into Waterloo station, and sat at a cafe for a few hours.  A random idea hit me and somehow I ended up with this NaruSasu story! @_@  I don't even know how, or why >.< 
I think I wanted to write something Jinchuuriki-centric, but not Gaara, since I wanna save all of that for Perfect Chaos.  Which I will post up soon.  Ish.

But here is the short fic, part one of two.  It's set after the Gaara arc of Shippuden, and I know it doesn't happen like this in the manga, but this is my take on what *could* have happened when Naruto meets Sasuke again.

 
 
Current Mood: accomplished
 
 
invisible_deity
29 August 2007 @ 05:48 pm
I'm gonna have a go at using the lj-cut tag... so bear with me as mistakes are bound to follow in my wake. (I'm meant to be doing a multimedia course, but hypertext still confuzzles me...)

Well recently things have been both gloriously good and achingly horrible. I think that this may be because the kind of 'gloriously good' feeling I am getting is one that is only achieved after hours of gut-wrenching stress and effort. I'm not good when it comes to effort. In fact I'd rather sit in all evening drinking rum and watching Family Guy than make an effort. But the other end of the scale... the enticing notions of achievment and glory call me into making the effort.
Basically it is horrible trying to find the drive to work when you work from home. But I know that once I finish the animations and the designs, I will feel better for having achieved it. Same goes for my personal projects - my stories and cosplay. The desire to feel this achievement has broken me into a creative spur, it's a zombie-like state that I can hardly describe. After 34 hours of continual consciousness, I've suddenly become very driven - even considered building a whole new prop just for Sunday's Comic Con - but no, that would be crazy - and so I leave you with this short piece.
Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: complacent
 
 
invisible_deity
22 August 2007 @ 11:54 am
So I've finally succumbed to the delicate lurings of LiveJournal...

Well now that I'm here I don't really know what to write about.  I expect I will be using this for my short fictions.. hehe... when I say short, I guess I mean all the stuff that is under 100 pages long... this is me we're talking about after all...
And I can be a rather mad little bunny some (a lot) of the time.

I'm at work at the moment.  Waiting for my boss to come back and discover just how little work I've managed to complete on this darned animation project.  Seriously, this week has not been good!  My deadlines were insane and totally impossible, as I realised at 5am this morning.  WIth no chance of finishing, I dragged myself to work 2 hours later and am now waiting for a storm to hit ><

I have recently found my writing muse.  Writer's block is the single most annoying thing for me on this planet (with the one exception of motorway middle-lane-huggers) but over the past few weeks I have discovered that a refreshing drive down the motorways of the south of England, and a 2-hour stop at a random service station coffee-shop brings out a maddening desire to write.  Recently I have found myself in odd locations such as Winchester, Salisbury, Newbury and Slough, nestled into a roadside Costa's with a large mug of tea and pen scribbling away on a notepad.
It has worked very well.  So well in fact that it was probably the final push towards me setting up this LJ account.

Oh, if you're wondering about the Gaara icon, that is me cosplaying.  I have seen a few people 'borrowing' this icon as their own online recently, but no, this is me, the same 'invisible-deity' from DeviantArt!

Anyway gotta dash,

Invi
 
 
Current Mood: mellow
 
 
 
 

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